Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
