He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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