i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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