You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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