The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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