Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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