I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
