handjob tips. give me some.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
