Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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