and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
