Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
