sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
