I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
