Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
