Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
