That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
