I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
