college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
