i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So much rum. So many feels.
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
