whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
