New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
