The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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