Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I will be naked everywhere
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize