Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
