You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Houston, we have a blender
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
