Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
