I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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