I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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