he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
