He uses pillows to masturbate.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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