You just made me feel so damn special
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
