I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
