Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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