didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
