My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
