he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
