The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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