I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
