Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
