so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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