She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
