Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
