this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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