I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So squirting runs in the family.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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