it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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