Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
