There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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