You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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