Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
