Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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