I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
