I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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