were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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