I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
