I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
