12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
