puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
