I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
