He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
