youre lurking in front of me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
