i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
