Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
