Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
