"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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