I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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