That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
