I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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