so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
