I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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