Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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