I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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