so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
