Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
