So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
