If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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