she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
