My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
