So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
