Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
