just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
