I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
