I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
