I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
