The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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