..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
