note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
