I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
