My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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