Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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