Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The adults are the big ones right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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