So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
