I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
